Tuesday, September 27

Okay, everyone, this does end well.  I have to tell you what happened to me tonight.  I went to see our darling son.  He looked so peaceful wrapped up in his open crib sleeping soundly.  The nurses have changed Isaac's feedings to be around 5PM so I can nurse him when I get off of work. He did very well yesterday.  I went in tonight thinking the same thing.  He was very sleepy as I tried to wake him up to nurse.  The nurse was standing over my shoulder as he did start to nurse.  Just like yesterday he started to brady (quits breathing and heart rate drops). However yesterday his heart rate came back up immediately and he kept nursing.... today a different story.  His heart rate kept dropping and dropping.  The nurse had me hold him up right and lean him forward as she thought he must have gotten some milk that he didn't know how to swallow.  Preemies have to learn how to swallow after being fed through a tube for so long.  Needless to say he turned blue and was lifeless.  The nurse took him from me and put him in his crib as she was trying to stimulate him to start breathing.  I asked if she needed help and she asked me to get a nurse from outside the room.  When I asked the 3 nurses, who were sitting there, for the specific nurse they said she had left.  I told them that Isaac's nurse needed help.  To which they sprung into action.  Immediately (okay, it felt like forever) 5 nurses were by his bedside helping.  I needed to leave the room as I couldn't stand there and watch him.  I started pacing up and down the hall praying... then I started saying out of my mouth that Isaac shall live and not die and he will declare the works of the Lord, no weapon formed against him shall prosper!  I tell you, I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life.  It felt like forever but in reality it was probably a matter of 5 minutes from beginning to end.  I felt sick to my stomach as I stood there watching the color come back to his body and he started to cry.  He had been stripped down to his diaper and they had taken out his nasal cannula in order to stablize him.  They brought out the air bag which later I was told breaths for him when he couldn't.  The doctor was called out of a delivery to come and assess him.  She said he was back to normal and it was most likely that he had gotten too much milk at once and didn't know what to do. They also said that preemies don't know how to cough out anything that might be stuck in their throat.

After it was all over with I was left with him and the original nurse as we changed his diaper and dressed him. I just started weeping.  I couldn't stop... my sweet son. She let me hold him in order to feed him through the tube in his nose. My tears were like Mary's washing Jesus's feet, soft and steady.  However my tears were a release of pressure from the build up from the past 2 months and everything that has gone on in my life.  My tears dropped onto Isaac's soft little sleeping head.  He laid in my arms with his two fingers in his mouth like nothing ever happened.

I called the nurse around 7 tonight since her shift was over then.  She assured me that it was an isolated episode and that I should not be scared to nurse him again tomorrow. Thankfully she will be there again tomorrow and hopefully she will have Isaac again.  The nursing staff was great at how they handled the event.

Please pray for him to get stronger and stronger, for him to learn how to suck, swallow and breath at the same time. 

Thank you for your love and prayers.  I hope to never have to witness that again!